Gate's Anatomy
by MKRG
Summary: A fun little ditty into the sex lives of everyone's favorite intergalactic heroes. Jack gets a cameo! Title merely inspired by the TV show Gray's Anatomy, though that show's premise has very little to do with the antics SG-1 is up to. Rated M.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Remember the show Gray's Anatomy? You know. The one with all the doctors. And they have relationships and sex and it's nothing like real life in a hospital. Well, keep that in mind. This was just a fun, goofy little piece I wrote a while back. Mostly DV in the beginning but everyone will get their own little scene. I've done my best to dial this down to the M rating and keep it out of the 'Oh boy, you better not read this at work' rating. Enjoy…

00000000

Gate's Anatomy

"…and this, is Dr. Jackson," Landry said, gesturing to the man in question.

Vala narrowed her eyes. A golden-haired woman was smiling ever so gracefully at Daniel. The members of SG-1 were standing in a row in front of the ramp. Each had been introduced to the visitor by General Landry. The gate room hummed with the normal cacophony of boots and weapons being checked, but Vala didn't notice any of it. All of her senses were zeroed in to the response of this so-called queen.

"I am so very pleased to meet you, Doctor," the woman's smooth voice cooed. All Vala could do was watch as the blonde bimbo extended a silken hand toward him. She would rather shoot her with a P-90. Her trigger finger itched.

Daniel took the dignitary's hand and shook it. "The feeling is mutual, Empress Rishira." His tone was respectfully neutral. His mouth hinted a soft smile Vala swore should only be for her. The Empress had donned an elaborate yellow ball gown trimmed with gold thread for this occasion. Her hair was curled in perfect rings that sat daintily about her face, framing a striking set of eyes. She batted them shyly at Daniel as she bowed her head slightly.

Cam smirked.

From his sideways glance he could tell Vala had steam coming out of her ears. She was actually turning red. He longed for a camera to capture this priceless moment. If he hadn't lain a hand atop hers, Vala would have started a fire fight in the gate room. Her fingers relaxed slightly under his touch, but nothing could be done about the obvious look of evil on her face. Landry didn't seem to notice and duly announced that SG-1 would be the Empress's escort for the duration of her stay here on Earth.

Mitchell had been grumbling that babysitting duties were beneath his team. But none of that mattered now; Vala's reaction made it all worth it. She was jealous, plain and simple. The other woman was an Empress after all. There had never been competition of this caliber before. Or any competition, for that matter. Interestingly enough, it seemed that the fair queen had a thing for Daniel. He really had a knack for attracting alien women. Mitchell smiled widely. The entertainment value of this venture might be worth a bowl of popcorn.

000

The Empress had considerable resources available on her homeworld and beyond. Her government had already formed a small coalition with neighboring worlds. They had access to power sources and technology that the SGC drooled over. When SG-12 stumbled onto their world by mistake, it was like finding an untapped gold mine. In order to impress her, the Empress had been invited to take a cursory tour of Earth. The hope was that she would deem the planet a worthy partner and recommend Earth for trade negotiations.

Fortunately for him, Mitchell was given full reign over the itinerary. Since no one felt like showing her the _entire_ planet, Colorado Springs would have to do. He took it upon himself to arrange for tours of various sights in and around the SGC. Mitchell figured the Empress wouldn't know the difference.

They had to dress the dignatary in civilian clothing for the trip. _Vala's_ civilian clothing to be exact. They happened to be the same size, and it wouldn't do to buy new ones if the Empress was only going to use the clothes once. Vala fumed, but kept quiet at Sam's insistence. She vowed to burn those clothes as soon as she got them back.

Adding insult to injury, the Empress insisted that Daniel be her personal guide. He was expected to remain next to her for every waking moment. He didn't complain as he pointed out various places of interest and explained them to her. Vala and the team were left to walk _behind_ the pair. She could see all-too-well as the Empress flirted unabashedly with him. He would smile, simply ignoring the queen's wandering hands. If Vala tried to pull any of that nowadays, he'd fight with her. _Damn him._

Vala perfected the art of glaring daggers at the back of the Empress's head. There were more than a few times that one of her teammates had to hold her back when the queen would make an obvious move on Daniel. He, on the other hand, seemed to take it in stride. Vala would go home to the SGC every night and scream at the walls of her room. Many an airman would hear and quickly hurry along.

On the last day of the Empress's nine-day visit, the team had been called to the VIP room where she was staying. Vala's hand froze over the doorknob as she overheard a disturbing conversation. "You have been a most gracious host, dear Daniel." Ugh. Vala hated when she would do that. 'Dear Daniel' was a terrible way to say his name. It was either 'Darling' or just plain 'Daniel'. Why did she have to add the extra adjective!

"I am thoroughly impressed with your world." Vala didn't hear it as innocently as it sounded, however. She was convinced that the Empress was more thoroughly impressed with Daniel's perfectly-formed ass.

It was at that point that Mitchell and Teal'c joined Vala just outside the door. The Empress continued on with her declaration. "Nowhere on my world have I met a man such as yourself, so learned and accomplished, so well-respected among your peers, so…"

"Please, Empress, you do not need to go on."

Vala mocked his words, opening her mouth and pretending to say them with a whine. Cam grinned and pushed her arm lightly.

"Ahh yes, of course, dear Daniel. It would only make sense for you to know your own accomplishments." They could hear Daniel shifting his feet, and Vala just knew he was blushing. "In such case, I have a proposal for you."

A pause. The trio outside the door perked their ears.

"I see. And what would that be?"

This could be the news they had been waiting for. News that the queen had accepted the SGC's offer to enter into trade negoations.

"I would like you to join me. Become my consort in the royal court."

Three jaws dropped open.

Daniel stammered immediately, "Ah, I don't know what to say. I'm honored by your request." At this point Vala threw her hands up and walked away.

Cam looked after her, worried, but wanted to hear the rest of the conversation. He didn't think Daniel would just up and leave like that. He had too much of a crush on Vala. But with Vala's state of mind these past few days, she was likely to think the worst of him. Her competition was pretty stiff, after all.

He and Teal'c remained where they were to hear the rest of it out. "I must apologize, Empress Rishira, but there is something you must know. It would be extremely difficult for me to leave here." Daniel went on to explain, satisfying both Cam and Teal'c that he had no intention of leaving. Now all Daniel had to do was convince Vala of that himself.

000

In honor of Earth's very profitable new agreement with Empress Rishira's government, the team planned a party to celebrate. Well, Daniel, Sam, Cam, and Teal'c did. Vala wanted no part in the preparations. Everyone from work was invited to stop by when they were free. It became an all day affair with burgers on the grill, beers in hand, and loud music. They chose Daniel's place because he had a nice open yard and his neighbors wouldn't be home to mind the noise. There was a gazebo out back that acted as a home base for all the food and drinks. No one really ventured into the house, leaving it empty as partygoers headed straight for the fun in the backyard.

The entire morning, Vala had been aloof. Daniel figured that with the Empress gone, she'd go back to her normal charming self, but he was wrong. She talked easily with the other members of the SGC, but not with him. Every time he tried to start a conversation with her, she'd veil her disinterest with witty remarks and a bad attitude. It was starting to piss him off.

His teammates were all too aware of the negative tension building between them, but they didn't want to interfere. They knew this was a 'Daniel and Vala' thing. It was a simple misunderstanding that he needed to clear up on his own.

Eventually, the party ran out of ice. Daniel volunteered to go out for more and decided to force Vala along with him. Sam had to push her into his car, hoping they'd resolve this latest problem once they were alone. She only hoped they wouldn't crash if Vala tried to strangle him while driving. The former pirate remained unduly silent through the whole trip to the store. He couldn't figure out what she was so mad about now.

When they returned to his driveway, he finally got the guts to ask, "Vala, what's wrong?"

She kept her arms crossed and didn't answer. She got out of the car, grabbed the ice, and walked inside. Daniel laid his head on the steering wheel. He groaned, wondering what the hell was going on. The Empress was long gone – light years away. His attentions were no longer divided, so what more did she want? He eventually found her in his kitchen, hacking away at the defenseless bag with an ice pick. Daniel winced.

Grabbing her hand, he stilled her motions. His other hand rested on her opposite shoulder from behind. Carefully, he eased the pick out of her hand and set it down on the counter… far, far away. When he forced her to turn and face him, he could see her teeth grinding from within her clenched jaw. She wouldn't meet his eyes.

It was then that he realized. She had this look all week long, in-between staring daggers at the Empress and rolling her eyes. By golly, she was still jealous. Maybe she overheard the Empress proposing marriage to him and misunderstood. That had to be it. Damn his team for not warning him sooner.

Daniel suddenly grinned at her. She was so wound up, he actually found it adorable. He laughed aloud.

"What is so funny!" Vala threw down the last bit of ice she was using as a stress ball. It plopped harmlessly into the sink.

He stepped closer to her and grabbed her hand. "Come here." Daniel pulled her close, closer than he ever had, and tipped her chin up to look at him. "Just calm down."

"I am calm," she replied in a manner that was not at all calm. Daniel laughed a little again. "Stop that!" She smacked his arm.

"But you're so cute when you're mad," he said innocently.

Vala's blood reached past its boiling point. "Arrrgg!" She pushed him away.

"Oooh, the pirate is back."

She glared at him with the eyes of a lion ready to kill its prey. "I am going to kick your ass."

Daniel just laughed again. Vala lunged, but he caught her arms before they could do any damage. Instead, he backed her up against the wall and held her there. She struggled, but he was too strong. He knew all her tricks now and wouldn't lose that easily in a fight. Vala started to grumble, "This isn't fair you know."

She tried to break free half-heartedly. He continued to hold her, this time bringing her arms up above her head. Daniel used one hand to bind her wrists while the other caught her cheek. If Vala had been in any other mood, she would have liked this. But as it was, she was too angry.

Daniel caressed her cheek and Vala was helpless. She leaned into his touch, craving any sort of attention he'd offer her before he would run off and marry that witch of a queen. "Tell me why it isn't fair," he insisted gently.

"I come all this way to live here with you and your people. And you go off and leave me."

He smiled tenderly at her. The woman looked so pitiful with her bottom lip quivering. "That's probably the closest you've ever gotten to a true confession."

Vala tried to narrow her eyes again, but instead they were filling with tears. Tears she refused to let fall. Daniel asked softly, "You'd miss me, wouldn't you?" She just shut her eyes, and that was all the confirmation he needed. Her arms were still held against the wall by his strong hand. Daniel kissed her cheek. "Aww, Vala, you should have told me earlier."

She opened her eyes, but was too scared to look at him. Instead she looked to the side.

"I wouldn't have let her flirt with me if I knew."

"What?" She locked eyes with him. His attention was solely on her, for once. "What do you mean?"

"I've been waiting for you to fess up. I didn't want to make my move unless I knew for certain that you were serious."

"Make your move? You mean… you _like_ me?" she squeaked.

Daniel laughed heartily again. He released her wrists and ran his hand down her side. He whispered into her ear, "I really, _really_ like you."

Vala was still a little shocked. "But what about Rishira?"

"She's just an assignment. An assignment that's now done. I never had any intentions of leaving with her," he said evenly. He leaned his head closer to hers. "Especially not with you still here. If I left, you'd have to come with me."

"Did you tell her this?"

"Of course I did. She needed a good reason why I would refuse her proposal. So I gave her one."

"And that reason was…"

"You."

Vala reached her arms around and hugged him. She nuzzled her face into his neck. "Oh, I am so relieved." She felt him chuckle.

"I'm sorry I worried you. I didn't mean to make you squirm, even though it was fun to watch."

Vala leaned back and slapped him on the cheek playfully. Daniel grinned and tickled her sides. She giggled, the last of her tears drying up. He leaned in to kiss her chastely on the lips.

"Are you still mad at me?"

Vala fought the smile of relief that was threatening to betray her residual anger. "Yes."

He kissed her again. "How about now?"

"Yes, you bastard." A hint of a smile played upon her features. Daniel smirked and kissed her fully on the mouth, tongue demanding entry and melting her in one stroke. Vala felt herself surrender to his embrace, as much as she wanted to hold on to the anger that had just taken over moments ago. They both breathed in deeply as they kissed, hinting at the passion lurking just beneath the surface.

She shuddered pleasurably. "Dammit, Daniel," she complained through the kisses.

He slipped fingers through her two front belt loops and pulled her closer. Not even a centimeter of space existed between them. He devoured her thoroughly. They explored each other's mouths further until it was time to breathe. "Be mine," he said, staring straight into her eyes.

Vala looked back at him with smoldering eyes. "Make me," she said in a deep, husky tone.

"I'd love to." A sly grin crossed his features. "I've been waiting to do this for a lonnnnng time." Vala squealed when Daniel suddenly picked her up by the ass and turned them around. She gripped his neck so as not to fall. Her legs wrapped around his back instinctively, causing her to feel a part of him he had never revealed to her before. God, he was hard as a rock down there.

She had no idea where they were going, but the ride wasn't very long. He dumped her on his bed, then closed the door. She sat up on her elbows to watch him. He promptly shut the window and the curtains. The afternoon light was replaced by a dim darkness. Before she knew it, he had snuck onto the bed and on top of her. She submitted to his hands as they pushed her back. Daniel kissed her neck.

"Darling, you still have guests here."

"I know," he said, not showing an ounce of concern between kisses.

"Don't you want to wait until…"

"No."

"Oh." Vala couldn't see well yet, but realized his hands were roaming to her waist. "Oh," she said more seductively this time.

He raised her shirt and exposed her flat belly. He began to kiss around her belly button. "Are you still mad at me?" he said with the sexiest voice she had ever heard.

"Ummm." She closed her eyes when he bit her skin. How could something so simple be so erotic? Daniel bit her again and she cried out.

"Shhh." Her shorts slipped off magically, and her panties soon followed. Holy shit, was Daniel Jackson about to do _that_ to her?

Suddenly the stubble of his chin tickled the inside of her thigh. Her ass was parked on the edge of the bed and Daniel was kneeling on the floor before her. He bit her again. She whimpered in pleasure. "I ask again… are you still mad at me?"

Vala looked down at his passionate face. He was focused on nothing else but her. She got the most irresistible satisfaction from that. Rishira had nothing on this. Vala breathed heavily. He licked her. _Oh god_. "Vala," he sing-songed.

"Huh?" Her eyes were closed.

"Could it be that you're actually speechless for once?" She didn't answer, too focused on his rough hands running up and down her thighs. "I should have done this sooner," he mumbled to himself. He stuck his tongue in and began to explore…

_15 minutes later…_

"Get dressed, beautiful. There's still a party outside on my lawn." Vala managed to nod, still in shock from the sudden wave of pleasure Daniel had so graciously bestowed upon her. She was practically paralyzed. He had made it certain that he wanted nothing more than her. And if there was any doubt, he'd prove it again later.

He walked toward the door. "Daniel." He paused and turned his head, beautiful backside still facing her. "You know you are the sexiest man in three galaxies." Appropriately, he donned a sexy grin as if he knew she was right. Vala could have collapsed at the sight. He opened the door and ventured outside of the bedroom. She sank back down, bottom half still naked and throbbing with delight. She'd have to return the favor later. She rubbed her legs together, feeling like the sexiest woman alive for what Daniel had done to her.

"Oh shit," she said to herself happily.

Vala rose to clean herself up in the bathroom and splash water on her face. After something like that, she could sleep for a whole day. She was so sated. But she knew better than to disappear now. The guests would wonder where she was. Especially her teammates. She stopped in the kitchen to gulp a huge glass of water. It would calm her insides and also moisten her raw throat after all the screaming he made her do. She shivered at the memory. Daniel was a very good lover.

Vala slammed the glass down on the counter and noticed someone watching her. She jumped. "Samantha!"

"Vala."

She stood there, leaning casually on the doorframe. The blonde had a curious smirk on her face. "When did you get back?"

"Huh? Oh, not too long ago, why?"

"I could have sworn I heard the car door slam 20 minutes ago."

Vala tried to shrug and look as innocent as possible. "I dunno. It wasn't that long ago," she lied.

Samantha just looked on with smiling suspicion. "He fucked you."

"What!" Then Vala thought to lower her voice. "What?" she repeated in a whisper.

"I stepped away from everyone else to use the washroom when I heard a commotion down the hall."

Vala was aghast. "Sam," she whispered in desperation. Vala wasn't sure if Daniel wanted anyone to know yet. _She_ wasn't sure if she wanted anyone to know yet.

"Pretty sure it was you in there. Sounded like you." Sam smiled slyly. Vala's petrified face was classic. "And I'm pretty sure it was Daniel, too, seeing as how I heard his name _thirty_ times." She pointed an accusing finger at her friend. "Admit it. He totally screwed you."

Vala got over her shock. "No, he didn't! At least, not all the way… yet… I hope."

Her friend raised a brow.

Vala tried to clarify discreetly. "Well, the man does speak 11 languages. He's obviously got a talented mouth already. It would only make sense that he'd be good at _that_."

Sam just laughed. "I guess you would know." Vala took in a breath and offered a sheepish grin. "Don't worry. I'm the only one who heard. And I figure Daniel's the only one who could have understood you anyway," she commented, referring to the Goa'uld curses Vala had been hurling. Sam added, "I won't say anything."

Vala sighed in relief.

"Now I'm gonna go find Jack," she declared with a naughty waggle to her brows. Sam left the way she came. Vala could have sworn she heard the woman mumble something about wanting some, too. Her mouth dropped open. She stared after her friend. The group she was approaching was far out into the lawn. No chance they would have heard her screaming Daniel's name. She watched as Sam walked right up to the General and whispered in his ear. Vala bit her lip in a naughty smile of her own. Jack jumped into action and started shaking hands with others in goodbye.

The door swung open, distracting Vala from their display. Daniel walked in, beer in hand, followed by Reynolds. "You okay, Vala?" He had the sweetest smile.

She nodded after getting over the surprise of their entrance. "Reynolds! You made it back!" The man in question hugged her heartily. "I'm glad to see you're alive," she told him, referring to a dangerous mission he was just on.

"Me too."

Daniel gestured down the hall. "Bathroom's right down this way, first door on your right." Reynolds thanked him and took the path out of the kitchen. Daniel turned to Vala and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. They both looked outside at the party. He smooched her cheek. "Still mad at me?" he asked playfully.

Vala laughed and smacked his arm. "No," she scolded him. Daniel cringed in mock surprise, but never let her go. He looked at her adoringly.

The door opened again, this time revealing Jack and Sam. Daniel released Vala's shoulder. "Daniel, we're off," the General announced.

"So soon?"

Sam moved in-between them to give Daniel a hug. Jack gave Vala a light kiss on the cheek meanwhile. "Her folks said I had to have her home by dark," he quipped. He offered him a strong handshake.

Sam hugged Vala, and the two shared a conspiratorial look. As Jack led her away, Sam's eyes remained locked with Vala's. Daniel noticed, looking back and forth between the girls. Their suspicious stares were strangely sexual. He raised his eyebrows at Vala in question. She merely shrugged and went outside. He took another glance in Jack and Sam's direction, but they were already out of sight.

Vala walked over to the partygoers, looking quite at ease. Teal'c and Cam moved to intercept her, both appearing concerned. "Princess, you okay?" Cam asked gently.

"Mmm hmm," she mumbled serenely. "Everything's alright now." Teal'c made a bow of approval, and the pair offered her a beer. Vala wormed her way into the crowd to mingle. Daniel soon appeared, and Cam clapped him on the back, happy to see that the two had made up.

Teal'c moved to stand at Daniel's side, who was watching Vala for the moment. "Daniel Jackson."

"Teal'c." They touched beer to cup in a greeting of cheers.

"You have made the right choice."

Daniel grinned. "I know."

000

Cam and Teal'c stayed after to help clean up. They brought all the lawn chairs into the garage and the food back inside. Cam was already gone, and Teal'c was just about to go. He and Vala stood just outside the front door. She hugged him. "See you later, Muscles."

"Until then, Vala Mal Doran." He smiled at her and then turned to Daniel.

"Thanks for the help, Teal'c." Daniel and Teal'c grasped arms. Vala waved as the Jaffa left the house. Looking back at Daniel, he beamed at her. "Come here," he said with a delightful groan, pulling her back inside the house and shutting the door.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and looked down at her adoringly. Vala reciprocated. Something about her smile was extremely self-satisfied. "You've had that grin on your face all night," he teased.

Vala grinned even wider and pecked him on the lips. He laughed lightly, completely in awe of how things had turned out. He felt as happy and satisfied as Vala looked. They cleaned up the remaining mess within the house, working together to put disposable plates and cups into a trash bag. Once finished, Daniel wrapped his arms around her again. He studied her face.

Slight worry flashed across it briefly. "You were never planning to leave, right?"

"Of course not. I didn't convince you?" He touched his nose to hers briefly in question.

She gasped. "Oh, I'm convinced," she said, thinking back to their recent bedroom activities. "I just… needed to hear it again."

"Well, I'm not leaving. Not for anything. Got it?"

She smiled, her confidence returned.

"Look at that smug grin." Daniel couldn't help but copy her expression. "Somebody enjoyed themself." She wiggled out of his embrace and ran off toward the bedroom. He chased after her, both laughing.

Vala sat Daniel down on the edge of the bed, in the same place where he had her earlier. He ran his hands down her side as she stood in front of him, between his legs. "So this means you're my girlfriend now, right?"

"Hmm, maybe," she replied.

"What's it going to take?"

"Daniel Jackson, you may want to possess me, but in fact, it is I who will possess you."

"Is that a fact?" He began to unbutton her shorts. He buried his face in the skin underneath her shirt, kissing it softly.

Vala grabbed onto his neck and his hair, enjoying the feeling. "Uh huh." She found the hem of his shirt and pulled it up. Moving a step back, she kicked off her bottoms and removed her own shirt. He reached up to unhook her bra, now revealing her completely naked body. He smiled up at her in admiration, raising his hands to cup her breasts.

Vala pushed him backward onto the bed. She pulled off his shorts and boxers while licking her lips. "Vala," he questioned.

The man's cock was as big as she was hoping. And it stood ready at attention just for her. "Time for you to be _mine_." Without warning, her lips closed around his manhood.

"Holy sh…"

The ensuing bedroom romp that followed lasted quite a while. Vala managed to return the favor just as she was planning, and then some.

He eventually dropped down next to her when they were done, just now realizing that all the pillows had fallen off the bed as they rocked it. It was a full seven inches from the wall. He laughed breathlessly at that.

"Fuck, Daniel," Vala groaned happily.

"Yeah," he agreed. She turned her head to kiss him hard, tongue still reacting to the sex. Daniel sighed into her mouth. "You," he said, catching his breath between words, "are one sexy space pirate." Vala laughed. "Can I call you my girlfriend _now_?"

"I'll be anything you want, Darling."

"Good."

Vala turned onto her side to face him. He stroked a hand along her waist and hip. "So what am I then, hmm?"

He grabbed her ass. "Mine."

000

Daniel and Vala had fallen asleep for a little while before waking up to shower. They followed each other into his bathtub and shared the cool water. Vala was ridiculously happy as he lathered her back, smoothing his hands down her curves. She leaned into him, getting soap all over his chest. He kissed her neck and stood with her under the rush of water.

He stroked her breasts, playing with her nipples. They hardened under his touch. Then he left one hand playing with her breasts while the other wandered down. It possessively grabbed at the tuft of hair below, and Vala arched her ass back into his body. "Daniel," she breathed. She turned around within his arms and kissed him chastely. "I'm not ready yet," she said with a pout. Her hands rested on his chest.

He chuckled. "It's okay. Neither am I." He pushed his tongue into her mouth and wrestled with her. "I'm just enjoying your body." They kissed more. "I've been aching to touch you forever."

"What took you so long?" she complained.

"I wasn't sure if you wanted me in the same way."

"Haven't I thrown myself at you enough? I'm pretty sure I let you know how much I would have liked to do naughty things to you."

He knew that part already. But he liked where this conversation was going. So he didn't bother to clarify his previous words. "Oh?"

"Daniel. I've pleasured myself to your image in my head hundreds of times."

This made him shiver. Boy, he had a lot of lost time to make up for. He'd have to marry this woman. "You don't know how hot that sounds."

Vala smirked. "It's still better with the real thing." She played with the hard ripples of his abdomen. She leaned her face into his neck, cool water creeping into the spaces between their bodies.

"Have I told you how sexy you are?" he said into her hair.

"Tell me again."

"You're the hottest shit on Earth."

She flipped her hair playfully and Daniel laughed at her fake ego stroking. She ran a finger along his lips. "Tell me how long you've wanted me," she said in a slow, deep tone.

"Ever since we kissed back on Prometheus."

Vala leaned back to look at him. "Really? Could have fooled me."

"I guess I did." He paused for a second before saying, "But you know how I told them to let you through the gate when you had that tablet?" She nodded. "I had this silly fantasy in my head that I'd get you in a room somewhere and give you a proper welcome."

"You were mean to me."

"It was the only way to keep myself in check. Otherwise, I would have taken you in the briefing room."

"Ohhh," she whined. "I wish you did."

Daniel laughed.

"We could have kept it a secret! Run off when no one was looking, have incredible sex, then go right back to work."

"They would have fired me. And besides, you weren't about to keep something like that a secret back then." Not to mention the strange way that would have complicated things. Daniel would have become just another notch on her belt if he had let her do those naughty things she'd been talking about.

Vala brought a finger up to her chin in thought. "No, I think I could have."

"Really?" Daniel asked, not believing a word of it.

"Remember how you shut me up earlier today?" He nodded, humoring her. "If you had just started with that, I would have been your sex slave in a heartbeat." Daniel laughed again.

"So anytime I don't want to hear you talk, I just need to go down on you?"

Vala grinned mischievously. "You don't have to wait for me, Darling. You can do that anytime you want." Daniel kissed her, shaking his head.

She traced an imaginary line down his chest, settling on feeling his rock-hard muscles.

"I wonder if we could have had sex on Prometheus," he blurted out, obviously thinking aloud. "Without getting caught, I mean." Daniel had never been quite sure how much of their initial encounter had been recorded by the security feeds.

Vala chuckled. "I wondered that every day since the day we met." She thought. "I shouldn't have tried to knock you out. Maybe you wouldn't have zatted me right away."

"I admit you were really tempting. God, I should have just fucked you."

She giggled. "No use living in the past, right? At least we're here now, together."

He gave her a big smooch on the cheek. "You're right, it's okay. Nobody will look at me like I'm crazy if they find out I'm doing you now. Everyone knows you."

"Is that what you were waiting for?"

"No, I was waiting to make sure you'd stay."

"Maybe that's what made you such a tantalizing challenge. I had to make a serious effort before I could have you."

He kissed her passionately to let her know she had. "I'm gonna do you every day until I die." His words activated her insides. She felt a familiar urge and was happy to know that such an urge could easily be fulfilled now.

She sighed and wrapped her arms around his neck. His connected around her waist. "How could I ever live without you?"

He smiled, realizing the euphoria they were both experiencing. He didn't answer her question. "I'll do anything for you, Vala. Anything. You know that, right?"

"Yes."

"Vala Mal Doran, my woman," he mused, testing the concept out on his tongue. She rolled her eyes. "My woman is Vala Mal Doran, hottest space pirate in the galaxy."

"The women of the SGC will try to kill me now."

"What?"

"You do know about your fan club, don't you?"

"Vala, what are you talking about?"

"Any woman in their right mind besides Sam wants to jump your bones. She's got her eye on someone else, by the way."

"I know that."

"Your fan club consists of all the single women at work."

"Yeah, right."

"I'll be the envy and scorn of all of them. They were already jealous that I got most of your attention." She sighed dramatically.

"Did they react as harshly to Rishira as you did?"

Vala scowled. "We had plans to assassinate her if necessary."

Daniel laughed loudly. Vala grinned, never having seen him this loose and relaxed. She was proud to be let into his private world.

000

That night, Daniel dreamed of battleships, space pirates, and sex. Lots and lots of sex. Their previous conversation really had him wondering what would have happened if he had just given in to his primal desires and taken Vala from behind like he wanted to on Prometheus. God, she was so hot. He normally didn't allow himself to admit what his little brain had been thinking all along. His personal reputation had been at stake.

Now that he didn't care and Vala was an accepted member of the SGC, he dwelled on what ifs. She was a different person back then, so sex would have only complicated matters. Okay, so he was right to wait. But damn. He wished he hadn't. He pushed his mind forward in their personal timeline. What about that first time she tried to seduce him in his quarters? She was probably wet and primed to accept a donation. Daniel focused on that moment, wondering if he could have gotten away with it and still kept her quiet like she suggested.

When he woke up in the morning, he had the most unbelievable hard-on. It took him a few minutes to realize that there was someone there who would be happy to relieve all that pressure. She was naked beside him, body tangled in his sheets. The swells of her breast were brushing on his arm and her inviting legs interlaced with his. Daniel relished the feel of this woman in his bed, cuddled up to him. Sleeping peacefully.

Hmm. Sleeping. That just wouldn't do. He promptly woke her up to give her a proper 'good morning.'

000

They spent the rest of the morning lounging around. Vala was pleasantly sore. She borrowed some of his clothes, since she hadn't been planning on a sleepover party. She was too angry with him earlier. The negative emotions of the previous day felt miles away to her now. As she dangled lazily on a hammock in Daniel's backyard, she wondered what the Empress would think if she could have seen the way he… well… did her so expertly. Vala smiled slyly to herself. Yeah, that would teach her.

It was a shame they hadn't recorded the whole adventure so she could send it to her as a going-away present.

Well, no, Landry might have objected to that.

She idly wondered how Sam was doing with General Jack. Maybe they were getting it on as much as it looked like Sam wanted to. Vala could smell sex on that woman the minute she confronted her in the kitchen. Her own pleasurable screams must have turned her friend on when she heard them. Vala giggled to herself. Jack was sure in for a surprise yesterday.

A shadow fell over her, blocking her sun. "What are you laughing about?"

Vala turned her head. "Sam."

"What about her?"

"And Jack."

"Oh. That." Daniel made a mild look of disgust.

"What? Don't you think it's good for them?"

"Good, maybe. But I don't want to think about it. Sam is like my sister!"

"Oh come on, Daniel. Don't be such a prude."

"I am not a prude. And I'm pretty sure I proved that to you already… three times."

Vala sighed and lazily stroked her breasts. "Yes you did."

Daniel snatched her hand. "Don't do that out here. The neighbors could be watching."

"Let them."

"No. We will not. Come on. Inside." With a huff, Vala allowed Daniel to take her into the house. "I should take you back to the base now anyway."

They both decided to keep things quiet for now. Neither Vala nor Daniel was interested in going public with their relationship quite yet; they needed time to get to know each other intimately. Their friends would know about them eventually, just not now.

….to be continued…

A/N: The other members of SG-1 will be examined next, FYI.


	2. Chapter 2

000

Cam sat observing the pair during a briefing a few days later. Something was different. They were acting the same, but still, something had changed. He wondered if it had to do with their most recent argument. Rather, it had been Vala doing most of the fighting. Daniel was just bewildered. He must have set her straight because she was fine at the party. He figured the small little touches on her arm and waist were just his way of appeasing her for the night. He'd done it before so it didn't seem all that unusual.

He shared his observations with Teal'c. The Jaffa agreed and explained, "They have become intimate, Colonel Mitchell."

"You don't say." Hardly surprised, he considered this. Cam weighed the consequences this might have on their team dynamics. He chose not to change any of the configurations; Vala remained Daniel's assistant during missions, if his expertise was called upon. The Colonel decided to just keep quiet and watch. The first hint of trouble from their new-found relationship and he would see them separated, at least as much as he could separate them without breaking up the team. In truth, he was happy for them. Their previous sexual tension was starting to give him sexual tension. And the target of his own tensions was still a little inaccessible. He was working on it.

If Daniel and Vala thought he knew about their little affair, they didn't show it. As long as no one said anything out loud, it didn't exist and wasn't a real problem. Cameron planned to play dumb if Landry ever found out. He suspected, however, that Landry himself already knew and was playing dumb, too. So much the better for Daniel and Vala. They didn't need the IOA breathing down their necks while their relationship was just starting.

There were times when Cam suspected they were doing it on the base. Every once in a while, Vala would appear in the commissary looking positively serene and sated. She'd walk slowly. Daniel would never be with her. In fact, he'd be MIA for hours. Maybe it was their way of deterring suspicion. Sex had a funny way of making people think.

It also had a funny way of driving him crazy. Cam had the hots for Carolyn Lam in the worst, most despicable way. He hated himself for it. It was his job to conduct himself with decorum as an officer of the Air Force. Yet when this woman walked into the room, he was a stammering idiot. What's worse? She's Landry's daughter! God help him.

He tried to put feelers out to see how Landry might react if he dated her. He _so_ wanted to date her. But after all this time, Cameron still had no clue how to handle the situation. So he didn't do anything at all. He'd let his balls turn blue before screwing up his career or a possible relationship with that hot doctor of a woman. Damn his personal code of honor.

000

Sam sighed. Then sighed again. She had just _gotten_ _some_ and was absolutely satisfied. She sighed more. Why she had waited so long to put the moves on Jack O'Neill was beyond her comprehension. If it weren't for Daniel and Vala, of all people, getting it on during a party in a nearby bedroom, she wouldn't have gotten the idea to do it herself. If they could sneak around, why couldn't she? Sam had actually gotten a little jealous hearing Vala being sexed up so well. She was pretty sure her own General could do the same, if not better.

So she challenged him. And Jack O'Neill never backs down from a challenge.

She had whispered something surprisingly naughty in his ear just to see his reaction. Sam had walked up with such confidence that it would have been difficult for him to refuse, even if he wanted to. It went something along the lines of, "I want you. Now." Combined with her hot breath tingling his ear, Jack was helpless but to obey.

So he quickly excused them both from the casual festivities and drove her home, where he proceeded to ravish her like she'd never been ravished before. There was a lot of pent up emotion and sexual tension involved, which made for a very interesting weekend. He even canceled his Monday meetings to stay in Colorado Springs longer. To stay in her bed.

Now it was Tuesday morning and Jack had to leave. But he didn't go before giving her a proper goodbye. God that man had a _smart_ mouth. So here was Sam, naked under her silky sheets, stretching like a cat. He made her feel so sexy. Even with him gone, she wanted to relish the feel of herself free and naked. She'd happily wait here for him until next weekend. Somehow he planned to weasel his way back here.

But alas, she'd have to get up eventually. The SGC would be looking for her, no doubt wondering where the infamous work-a-holic was on a Monday. If she didn't show up again today, they'd start tracking her subcutaneous transmitter from orbit and possibly beam her up to one of the ships naked. Damn, that wouldn't be good. Sam got up to call the base to let them know she was coming in. There, that should prevent any disasters.

When she finally walked in, Cam hardly noticed she had been gone. He seemed preoccupied with other people. It was Teal'c who eyed her funny. "Were you unwell, Colonel Carter?" he questioned.

Sam just offered him a sleepy smile and said, "No." Teal'c stepped into pace beside her as they walked the halls of the base. "How is O'Neill?"

How that damn Jaffa figured out everyone's sex lives was a real mystery. Sam coughed. "He's good, Teal'c." _Very good_, she repeated to herself. She shivered inwardly, hoping her friend wouldn't notice. She separated from him and made her way to her lab. Sam soon found that she couldn't concentrate for the life of her.

000

Teal'c had always been very observant. He believed that the less someone talked, the more they could learn. So instead of filling soundless voids with his own words, he merely studied the mannerisms and habits of his companions. The members of his team were of special interest to him because they were responsible for watching his back offworld. Naturally, he wanted to be very aware of their personalities.

Having spent 50 years plus with them, Teal'c thought of himself as an expert on Colonel Mitchell, Colonel Carter, Daniel Jackson, and Vala Mal Doran. So when he observed the changes in the latter two's friendship, he knew they had found each other again. Human sex had a way of making its participants appear particularly euphoric. This was now evident in the mannerisms of Daniel Jackson and Vala Mal Doran. There was also a slight scent of pheromones about them. It was only Teal'c's Jaffa nose that seemed to notice.

Colonel Carter was also engaging in sexual intercourse. It was plain to him that she intended to share a bed with O'Neill when they left the most recent gathering early. The normally calm General was suddenly overexcited in his efforts to depart. And she was strangely confident, jutting out her chest and her backside as she walked.

Teal'c did not find any of this disturbing in the least. Sex was a normal part of life, both in the human and Jaffa circles. He found that a healthy sexual relationship benefitted warriors in battle. For their bodies were not overly tensed from a lack of satisfaction and could focus on the problems at hand. He, himself, engaged in meaningful sexual encounters everytime he had a chance to visit Ishta on Haktyl. While most humans would not be able to stand such long separations, this was perfectly acceptable and common among the Jaffa.

It was Colonel Mitchell that worried him. The man was too 'wound-up,' as other humans might say. The tension had yet to affect his performance in the field, but Teal'c knew it was only a matter of time before consequences would be felt at inopportune moments. He listened quietly as Colonel Mitchell confided in him about Dr. Lam. The Jaffa understood the dilemna. She was the daughter of his commanding officer, the man who could decide his fate with the simple stroke of a pen. Teal'c pitied the Colonel, though he did not show it.

Thus, Teal'c one day decided to offer his assistance. He chose to approach General Landry on Colonel Mitchell's unknowing behalf, seeking his blessing for the man to court his only daughter. It was an uncomfortable and awkward conversation, to say the least. That is, it was for Landry. Teal'c had no qualms at all about what he was saying. He merely explained that the Colonel wished to be honorable toward Dr. Lam, but feared the consequences from her father should he act on those intentions. Teal'c felt Daniel Jackson would have been proud of the diplomatic and clear way he had phrased everything.

It was General Landry who stammered and did not know what to say. He merely thanked Teal'c and dismissed him without offering a decision. That stunned the Jaffa. As long as he'd known humans, their social dynamics continued to baffle him. If Dr. Lam were his child, he would be proud to have a warrior such as Mitchell court her. Not that he'd ever say so out loud. It was best to keep Mitchell humble.

000

Cam was sweating. "What's wrong with you?" Vala wondered aloud. They were seated around Daniel's desk, minus Daniel. The archaeologist had gone off to find Sam.

"General Landry wants to see me."

"So, what's so bad about that?"

"I think he _knows_, Princess!"

She gasped. "Oh shit. What will he do?"

"I don't know. Maybe not that much. I mean, can you court martial a man for liking a General's daughter?"

Vala laughed in relief. "Oh. I thought you were talking about me and…" She stopped herself short. "Nevermind." She grinned sheepishly and Cam glared at her. Of course he knew. Everyone knew about that!

"I'm talking about me and Carolyn, you pirate."

"What about Carolyn?" Sam asked as she walked in.

"Who you calling a pirate?" Daniel demanded, defending his woman's honor.

"Your girlfriend, sex addict," Cam rebuked. Daniel blinked and remained quiet. "Landry called me into his office."

"Ooooh," Sam taunted. She laughed when Cam continued to look worried. "Oh come on, Cam. It's probably not about her."

Teal'c entered the room to hear Sam's reply. "Colonel Carter, I must disagree." Cam's eyes went wide and he turned around to face his team's resident Jaffa. "I was just in a meeting with General Landry yesterday about the potential relationship between Colonel Mitchell and Dr. Lam," he said plainly.

"YOU WHAT!" Cam stood up in a lightning flash and got in Teal'c's face. "What the hell were you thinking?" The rest of the team's jaws dropped. Daniel stood, ready to break up any fight that ensued.

But Teal'c remained eerily calm. "You failed to act. So I decided as your friend and fellow warrior to aid you in your quest for Dr. Lam's heart." He paused to survey his team, then returned his attention to Mitchell. "It was General Landry that served as your obstacle, did he not?"

Cameron simply stared at him, completely in shock.

"Wow, Teal'c. Don't you think that was a little bit overstepping your bounds?" Daniel asked.

"No."

Daniel looked at Sam and Vala. "Oh. Oh okay." He shrugged.

Cam ran slow fingers down his face, pulling his skin taught in frustration. "I'm going to be executed."

Sam reached out a hand to pat his shoulder. "I'll be sure to say nice things at your funeral," she offered.

He turned a wary eye on her. "Gee, thanks, Sam. You're being awfully supportive." He promptly gave her the stink-eye.

She just chuckled, then shrugged. "Hey, whatever trouble you're about to be in, I'm sure I have it coming ten times worse." She grinned.

Daniel blinked again. Cam looked at her in surprise. When Sam realized what she had just said, she frowned. "Oh crap," she muttered. Vala started to laugh in the background. She even fell off her chair.

"I believe with General O'Neill's position of sufficient power within your government, you have little to fear, Colonel Carter. Your sexual relationship with O'Neill is not likely in any jeopardy," Teal'c offered.

Sam turned beat red. "Samantha," Cam chided. He smirked at her. Daniel grinned as he helped Vala up off the floor.

"Good God, Teal'c! Could you be a little less discreet!" Sam yelled.

"I have been as forthcoming as possible, Colonel Carter," he replied, purposely missing her sarcasm.

000

The sound of knocking brought Landry's attention away from his paperwork. "Come in."

Colonel Mitchell peeked his head in. "General Landry, Sir," he said with as much respectful formality as he could muster.

"Sit down, Colonel." He didn't offer him the usual warm greeting. Cam sat down nervously and fidgeted in his seat. Landry organized papers on his desk, saying nothing.

Cameron began to squirm. The urge to run invaded the nerves in his legs, but he forced them to stay put. He had to see this through. This would probably be the scariest thing he'd ever have to go through in his life.

Running out of files to organize, Landry finally looked up. He eyed the Colonel somewhat disdainfully. Cameron attempted not to look as scared as he felt. He managed to don a neutral face, though his mask of calm cracked easily under Landry's scrutiny. "Teal'c and I had an interesting conversation yesterday."

"Yes, sir," came Cam's standard reply.

"Don't 'yessir,' me, Mitchell. You know what it was about?"

He pursed his lips. "I have an inkling, sir."

"Enlighten me, Colonel."

"Sir, with all due respect, do I really have to?" The whine in his voice was unmistakable.

"Colonel!"

Cam jumped a little in his seat. "Teal'c asked you if I could date your daughter, sir," he said as fast as possible. Any slower and he might stumble over his words and look like even more of an idiot. He clasped his nervous hands together.

Landry harumphed. He pulled out a blank form from one of his stacks. Cam could read the words 'Court Martial' upside-down in big, black letters. His eyes went wide, then returned to Landry's hard-edged face.

"Did you coerce Teal'c into talking to me about this?"

"No, sir! I had no idea he was even considering it!" Cam defended himself.

"Good."

Mitchell remained quiet. That wasn't a question.

"And what exactly is the nature of your relationship with Dr. Lam, Colonel?"

"Well, uhh, uhhh…" Cam took a deep breath. "We're just colleagues, sir. Barely even friends." He winced. It was the last thing he wanted to admit to himself.

"I see. I admire your conduct thus far, Colonel, but I'm afraid…" He paused, allowing Mitchell to close his eyes and wince again. "I'm afraid that I have no say in who my daughter chooses to spend her time with."

Cam opened one eye to squint at his commanding officer. "Excuse me, sir?"

"She'd disown me if I even tried, Colonel!" Cameron's other eye opened.

"Sir, are you saying I have permission to court your daughter?"

"No." Cam visibly deflated. Landry sighed outwardly. "I'm saying that I have no control over the matter. She's still a civilian. If she wants to date you, that's her choice. It has very little to do with me."

Cam opened his mouth, then promptly closed it. He was afraid anything that came out now would get him in trouble. Landry shook his head. "Treat her with respect, Colonel," he warned. Cam shook his head wordlessly. The General looked almost as uncomfortable as Mitchell was. "That'll be all," he said quickly to end the awkward moment.

Numbly, Mitchell got up and left the General's office. He didn't respond to his teammates' questions about how the meeting went, even though they were standing just outside the door and waiting for him. He ignored them and kept walking. Daniel, Vala, Sam, and Teal'c exchanged worried looks. It was Vala who decided to go after him. The others had no choice but to follow, if only to make sure she didn't bother him too much about it.

He didn't acknowledge them when they got on the elevator with him. He didn't explain where he was going, despite Vala's repeated attempts to ask. Cam simply walked. And walked. His team followed. And followed some more. Daniel recognized this route. He'd taken it hundreds, maybe even thousands, of times since starting to work here. Cam was on his way to the infirmary.

He burst through the doors of the infirmary, the swinging panels nearly hitting his team in the faces. Teal'c had to put out a hand to stop them. They hung just inside the room, at the door, to watch what Cameron would do next. He approached one doctor, who then pointed at another. Mitchell walked right up to Carolyn, who was with a patient, and pulled her off to the side. Vala gasped. "What's he doing?" she whispered. No one offered an answer.

They were out of earshot. Cameron was speaking, not really displaying much emotion. Carolyn was listening, doing the same. Then she smiled. She made some sort of reply. The team looked on hopefully. Carolyn turned away, returning to her patient, while Cam approached the team. He had a huge grin on his face.

Vala grabbed his arms and dragged him out of the infirmary. She planted him firmly in the middle of the hall. "Details. Now."

"I've got a date with a hot doctor," he reported. The team cheered for him.

"This calls for celebration," Teal'c suggested. "We must make plans for tonight."

"No can do, my dear Jaffa. I've got a date tonight!"

Vala hugged him. "Awww, how cute!" Then she turned to Daniel and smacked his arm. "When are _you_ going to take me out on a date?"

He became indignant. "I just did! Yesterday!" he blurted out. Sam looked at him dubiously, while Cam cocked his head. Daniel wondered what the looks were about. Then it hit him. He shouldn't have said that out loud.

"Aww, quit lookin' like a deer in headlights, Jackson. The whole damn base knows."

"What?"

"He acts like he doesn't know that _we_ know," Cam told Teal'c, pointing a thumb at the couple. The Jaffa nodded in agreement.

Despite Cam's comment, Daniel couldn't help but remain surprised. Vala wrapped her arms around his waist and looked up. "It's okay, Darling. At least now that it's out in the open, we can make out in the halls."

He regained his bearings to answer her. "This isn't high school, Vala."

"What's 'high school'?" she said, hoping to have said the words slowly enough to repeat them correctly. Cam and Sam laughed out loud. Daniel sighed and told her he'd explain later.

000

"I've got to tell you, Cameron. I wasn't sure you'd have the guts to ask me out."

He looked at her smugly and puffed out his chest. They were seated in a nice restaurant in a busy, exciting part of town. "And why is that?"

"Most people are too afraid of my father to bother trying." Carolyn sipped her drink. Cam's eyes betrayed him and focused on the way her lips were sucking on the straw. He shook his head slightly to clear it. He cursed Daniel and Vala for their nervous, pent-up sex drives influencing his own. Freakin' addicts.

The date itself was going well. She laughed at his jokes. He got to put an arm around her without getting slapped. All in all, a good date. They finished their meal and Cam dutifully paid the bill. It was a nice night out, most of them had been lately, so they took a walk in a nearby park. The plan was to catch a movie, but they still had time to take the long route there.

While walking, Cam kept his hands to himself, hoping not to be too forward with her. For all he knew, Landry had spies watching him right now. He tried to keep an eye out for a tail or some sort of security detail. Nothing yet. It was Carolyn who grabbed his hand. When he looked down at it in surprise then back up to her, she simply smiled. He melted for her immediately.

They walked, hand in hand, the entire way down the park, movie forgotten.

000

The next morning, Cam leaned back on Daniel's office couch and sighed. He had his hands propped up behind his head and legs stretched out over the floor. Daniel jumped when he found him there, but soon got over his surprise. By the look on his face, he could tell things had gone well. "How'd it go?"

Cam turned happily. "Great. Perfect."

Vala walked in. "Did you get some, Cameron?" she asked innocently. Daniel winced.

Cameron's mouth hung open for a second. "No! I did not! And that's none of your business, Princess!"

She held up her hands. "Hey, I was just asking. Seeing as how the rest of us are getting action. I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask if you'd joined the club yet." Cameron turned red, prompting Vala to walk over and pinch his cheeks. "Oh, don't worry, Darling. I'm sure she'll give it up soon."

He swatted her hands away. She giggled, walking back over to her man. "Jackson! Where the hell does your pirate hear these things!"

Vala answered for him. "In the men's locker room," she explained nonchalantly and leaned on Daniel. Cam and Daniel stared at each other, somewhat in shock but also somewhat unsurprised.

"Control your woman, Doctor," Cam warned.

"Ahh, Cam. There's only certain times of day I can do that."

Vala brightened. "And only certain positions!" she added with a finger pointed in the air.

"Oh God. When did we start talking about your sex lives?"

"Well, since you have none…"

"Vala!" Daniel scolded.

"What?"

"Just…" He brought a cutting motion across his neck, telling her to _shut up_. She simply looked at Cameron and shrugged.

Sam and Teal'c entered the room. "Hey guys," she greeted. She found one of the stools and settled down into it. Vala pushed her over a bit to share the seat with her. Teal'c took a spot next to Cameron on the couch. Daniel remained standing at his desk. "So, how'd it go with Carolyn?" Sam asked.

Cam brightened once more. "It was great. She's so funny. And she thinks I'm funny. Finally, someone who understands my humor!" Vala raised an eyebrow, but Daniel covered her mouth before she could retort. Sam just looked at them strangely, got up, and moved to another stool.

"That is indeed good news, Colonel Mitchell. Have you scheduled another outing?"

"Yep, for tomorrow night. I'm gonna take her to the skating rink." Sam and Daniel's mouths frowned in disapproval. "Hey, don't knock the rink! It was a happening place back in the day." Vala and Teal'c remained quiet, hoping to use the context of this conversation to figure out what a 'rink' was.

"It's your date, Cam," Sam said.

But Daniel still looked skeptical. Cam addressed him, "Well, what do you do for a date?"

"I take her to restaurants, the movies, the monster truck rally…"

Teal'c sat up for this. He knew what that was. "You have never taken me to a monster truck rally, Daniel Jackson." It was almost like he was complaining.

"Ahh, well…"

"Oh, silly Muscles. Only couples go there. You wouldn't want to go with Daniel. There are some very manly men there who might get the wrong idea and challenge you." None of the natives had time to correct Vala about a monster truck rally's usual patrons.

"I have seen 'manly men' from Earth, Vala Mal Doran. They pose no threat to neither I nor Daniel Jackson."

"But still, you don't want to cause what Landry likes to call 'incidents' outside of the base," Vala responded, putting up air quotes around the appropriate word. Daniel looked up at the ceiling, searching for repreive.

"Your woman, Jackson," Cam commented.

"I know. I know."

Vala looked back and forth between the two. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Sam jumped in. "It means they love you very much. And they're going to shut up now," she warned.

"Aww, Cam, you love me?"

"Oh God." It wasn't clear whether Cam or Daniel had uttered those words.

000

As Daniel and Vala drove home the next night, she commented, "I think Cam and Carolyn make a cute couple." He smiled in agreement and placed a hand over hers. Then he winced when he thought of her comments to the poor man earlier. He sure hoped they hadn't unneccessarily pressured Cam into speeding things up.

Later in the evening, Cam and Carolyn had gone back to her place for a drink. They had enjoyed the skating rink, despite his team's skepticism, and were now ready to kick back and relax. At least, that's what Cam thought. When the pair settled onto her couch, she made her move. Carolyn was on top of him before he could say, "So." She kissed him so feverishly, it was all Cam could do to keep his cock under control. He enjoyed it… a little too much. He pushed her back to look at her. "Carolyn?"

Her smouldering eyes bore into him. She wanted him. And she hadn't even sipped her champagne, yet! Cam opened his mouth to speak, but she filled it with her tongue. Between passionate kisses, she challenged him, "You're a man of action, right?"

_Oh shit_, he thought.

000

The next morning, the team had assembled in Daniel's office again. Everyone was seated or standing in the same places, but Cam was silent this time. Teal'c studied him, then concluded, "I believe he got some, Vala Mal Doran."

"Oh, goody, it's about time."

Sam piped up. "About time? They only went on two dates!"

Vala blinked. "Well Daniel and I only went on half a date years ago. In fact, we had sex right after…"

"Geez, Vala! Would you stop!" Daniel yelled, embarrassed.

"Sex addicts," both Sam and Cam muttered.

Daniel groaned and settled for keeping his hand over her mouth. He pulled it away and shook it when Vala bit his hand. She glared at him.

"Perhaps we should allow Colonel Mitchell to explain his date to us."

"Ahh, well, there's not much to tell. We went to the rink, had fun there, then went back to her place to grab a drink and rest before we called it a night. Next thing I know she's popping the bubbly and… and…"

Everyone leaned in, as if their proximity would allow them to glean more details than Cameron was already offering.

"Colonel Mitchell!" It was Landry. The man in question went white as a sheet. Landry stepped in and took a good look at the team. "Am I interupting something?"

"No…" Cam had to stop himself because he was squeaking. He coughed into his hand and let out a deeper voice. "No, sir, not at all." His cheeks turned bright red.

"Good. I'd like to see you all in the briefing room in one hour."

"Yes, sir," Sam and Mitchell said together. The rest nodded in obedience.

Cam let out a huge breath of relief.

"I wonder what he wants," Daniel said quietly.

000

To Daniel's dismay and Vala's extreme disgust, Empress Rishira had returned. She was clad in full queen-gear, complete with the shiny crown and big, bad scepter. No one had a clue why she was back. They had been sure the trade deal was settled. SG-1 sat in their usual seats around Landry: Daniel and Vala together, while the other three took to one side.

"Empress Rishira," General Landry began, "what can we help you with?"

"I would like to renew a proposal I once offered to a member of your facility, General."

"Oh?"

"A proposal to Daniel Jackson." Everyone turned to Daniel. He stared cautiously, eyes a little wide. "It is good to see you, dear Daniel." Vala's skin began to crawl.

He gave a half smile, but dared nothing more. Vala was right next to him. This queen was the catalyst for his incredible sex life. Unfortunately he couldn't exactly thank the Empress without insulting her. She continued to oogle him as she had always done. Vala wanted to gag. Her hand went straight to the inner part of his thigh in warning. Daniel calmly patted that threatening hand, hoping to appease it before it squeezed. It was hovering over a ticklish spot.

Landry noticed, but chose to ignore it.

"General, if it would so please you, I would like to offer double the stores of raw naquedah that we have available."

"Empress, that's very generous of you. And what do you ask for in return?"

"Daniel Jackson."

Daniel swallowed his tongue at that point. Vala squeezed and he jumped. Everyone stared at him, not understanding his reaction.

Landry clarified, "What exactly do you need Daniel Jackson to do, Empress?"

"Why, to be my consort, of course. I am in need of an heir to my throne. Daniel Jackson would be a suitable donor."

Cam choked. Landry glared at him. "Perhaps we could have some time to discuss this new offer," Landry looked meaningfully at Daniel, "before we make a final decision."

"I already made this offer on my previous visit. The good doctor should have had ample time to reconsider," she insisted. This was news to Landry.

Daniel pleaded with him with a look.

Landry argued with another look that this might be a good deal.

Daniel had the good sense to look scared. Then he motioned to Vala with a tip of his head, who was back to staring daggers at their guest. Landry reflected on this briefly, then spoke.

"Empress Rishira, with respect, we must decline your offer. I'm sure Dr. Jackson has already offered you an explanation for his decision. And on his behalf, I thank you for your consideration and wish you the best in your search for a suitable consort." Spoken like a true diplomat. Daniel let out a secret breath of relief.

The queen looked visibly angered. Her calm demeanor was cracking. She huffed, "I have never, ever, in all my years been refused, especially with such a generous trade agreement riding on the offer." She stood up hastily, and Landry felt the need to follow. Automatically, Cam and Sam stood, too, looking bewildered.

"You shall not be hearing from me again, General," she said adamantly. "And as for you," she pointed at Vala with her sceptor, "I would have you hanged if you were on my world, for all the disrespect you've shown me."

Vala was about to retort, but Daniel put a hand over her mouth. She didn't bite him this time. The Empress stalked out of the briefing room. Landry saw her off at the gate then returned to SG-1. "Vala," he growled.

"Don't blame her, General," Cam jumped in. "She was just trying to protect Jackson."

Landry took his seat and waited for the explanation. "Empress Rishira was prone to harrassing Daniel Jackson inappropriately," Teal'c explained.

The General raised his brow. He looked at Daniel, who had turned a little red.

"Sir, it's true," Sam continued. "She might have played the part of the graceful queen, but…"

"She's just an awful bitch," Vala bit out. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she glared at nothing on the table.

Sam open and closed her mouth in surprise. "I didn't mean to say…"

"It's alright, Colonel. I don't disagree with her."

Daniel spoke up. "You don't?"

"No, she was a mean-spirited negotiator. She resorted to veiled threats to get what she wanted during the trade talks."

"I didn't know that," Daniel muttered.

"Perhaps it's better that you weren't there. The IOA had their hands full enough. Much as she liked you, throwing you in there would have destabilized the whole thing!"

"But didn't we just destabilize it right now?" Cam asked.

"Ahh, but there's the difference. She came here today of her own accord. Whatever she did or said today would have been non-binding because she depends on the will of the court to support her decisions. If you had gone with her willingly, Dr. Jackson, chances would be that her court would vote down the extra naquedah and leave us with one less archaeologist on our staff."

"In other words," Cam clarified, "we would have gotten the short end of the stick."

"Precisely. The original agreement still stands, whether she likes it or not."

That brought smiles to everyone's faces.

"Now," Landry began, refocusing his attention on Daniel, "about this relationship you're having with Ms. Mal Doran."

"Sir?"

The team stopped breathing for a split second.

"Congratulations, Dr. Jackson. It's about damn time." Landry offered up a smile. Vala looked up and grinned gratefully, as did Daniel. They both thanked him.

Then Landry looked at Sam and gave her a long, hard stare. She began to feel uncomfortable under his look. "Colonel Carter," he said sternly.

"Yes, sir?" she squeaked.

"Same to you," he said more jovially. "I heard Jack would be making regular trips out here. Good for you. Also about damn time. In fact, we were all wondering if there was any spark left between you two."

Carter was shocked. "Sir?"

Landry waved a hand at her dismissively. "No need to worry, Carter. General O'Neill cleared everything with the President. After all you two have down for this planet, it's the least the country could do for you!" Sam broke out into a smile.

"Perhaps, then, General Landry, congratulations are also in order for Colonel Mitchell," Teal'c suggested. Everyone on the team suddenly made cutting motions at their neck, telling Teal'c to _shut up_. He didn't seem to notice.

The General leveled a glare at a continuously shrinking Mitchell. He loosened his shirt collar, suddenly starting to sweat. "And what for?" The fact that this was coming from Teal'c had Landry feeling suddenly protective of his only daughter.

"Your daughter has approved of him as a suitor."

Landry looked back to Teal'c. "Oh, is that all?" He released his tension into a light chuckle. "She told me that already." Cam looked back and forth between his teammates and Landry. He leaned in to hear more. "She likes you, Colonel," he said with a twinkle in his eye.

Mitchell's mouth was still dry. _After last night, I kind of guessed that, sir._ But he'd never say that out loud. He simply smiled and nodded.

"Dismissed." Mitchell had never been more happy to hear that word in his life.

000

If an alternate version of SG-1 were to miraculously appear and observe their counterparts, they might be surprised to learn that each of them was currently engaging in their budding, healthy (as Teal'c would describe it) sex lives. Right now. At this very moment. The excitement over today's meeting had everyone rushing home (and in one case, offworld) to loved ones for some quality time. Teal'c was in a field house with Ishta. Cam was on Carolyn's couch. Sam was in bed with a certain General. And Daniel and Vala were… well… on top of each other. It was difficult to say where they were at the moment as their location within Daniel's home continued to change.

Nonetheless, the Ancients above that cared were pleased. They found this particular show quite entertaining. It was about time things got a little interesting. Wouldn't you agree?

A/N: That's all I got. I really don't see this one going anywhere. I don't exactly consider this my most prized piece of writing either. So forgive the flaws. It was fun to rock out just the same. Thanks for reading if you made it here!


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